Saturday, May 25, 2013

Is the towel clean enough anymore ?

Today is May 25th. The day - the entire universe celebrates as Towel Day - or in other words the most important day of the year, in the history of days.
The importance of the towel is quite simply summarized in the wholly remarkable book - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. One of the latest version carries the below description.
A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta Greater Noida; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V Gokarna, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon Rajasthan; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River  Hoogly Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the  N Srinivasan Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-bogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.
More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitchhiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have "lost." What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with.
As you can clearly see - there is and there has been nothing more useful than a towel in the entire history of mankind, robotkind, and every other kind there has been and will be. It is a universally respected symbol of utility, greatness and moist dryness. But there has been one particular country on the 3rd rock from the sun, which has in recent years displayed a penchant for some most unorthodox and inelegant usage of the towel. Some of their film actors, in various stages of undress, have been using, putting on and removing the aforementioned towel in a variety of irresponsible ways. Exhibits displayed below. 

Yes, these were all truly unorthodox and inelegant uses of the towel, but no real damage was done by them. But what really broke the back of the camel, I mean, made the towel dip in shit was its use for spot fixing in the curious game of cricket supposed to be played by a group of humans called gentlemen. With headlines like ‘Sweaty’ Sreesanth’s towel trouble and damaging news coverage like this - one fears that the glory days of all towel users are over. 

With such disturbing use of the most useful and entirely harmless towel, one fears for its future. I am afraid that the towel may never be completely clean enough again. 
Nevertheless, wishing you a very Happy Towel Day. Again.

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