Friday, April 2, 2010

How to Bath and Use Toiletries

Some days ago, while reading 'The Economic Times' I came across this article Daily baths harm environment . And then I realised that this article is exactly what lazy, hydrophobic boys needed as a weapon against their eager, over-zealous mummies hell bent on making them bath n number of times a day, so that they can stay clean. I know folks who as kids were forced to bath once before going to school, bath after coming back, bath after coming from the playground, bath before going to bed etc etc.
In any case now, for folks to be "Cool", you need to be a member of the eco-club at the school or college, show your concern for the environment by switching off Lights for one hour on a randomly selected day, participate in Greenathons and other such stuff.  And so, how can you continue to take baths everyday, when #1 - IPL commentators are asking us not to take long showers as it wastes water and #2 - Research shows that increased usage of toiletries is polluting the environment.
So, in order to help all the environment-conscious people I have decided to draw up the following 10 point-policy of How to Bath and Use Toiletries:
1) Bathing is allowed only twice a week.
2) One medium sized bucket filled 3/4ths with water is allowed for bathing.
3) Soap can be applied only a once week (during the two baths mentioned in #1).
4) Shower baths are a strict no-no. However on special occassions like birthdays and anniversaries, a quick 30 second light-shower can be indulged in under strict supervision of your guardian or partner.
5) Brushing teeth is permitted for twice a day only. Needless to say, taps must be closed while brushing is in progress.
6) Men can shave twice a week at most. Usage of shaving cream is recommended over shaving foam.
7) Shampoo to be applied on hair only once a month. In case you have too much dandruff, going for a bald look with bandana is preferred.
8) Deodrants and body odours to be applied on Monday mornings only.
9) Perfumes can be used for special ocassions limited to a maximum of six usages in a year. Choose them carefully.
10) While effect of usage of hair oil and hair-gel on the environment is still being debated, it is suggested that a limited usage of both can be continued for the time being. However, the usage is prohibited currently on the two days of the week, when bathing has been done.
General Note to the environmentally conscious: The above guidelines refer to the MAXIMUM usage allowed. Folks are encouraged to "optimise" usage of water and toiletries in as many ways as possible. As an example - hostel folks can go in for a "Group-bath" as illustrated in the movie 3 Idiots. Care must be taken however, the total usage of water of x number of people bathing together should not exceed x buckets of water.
PS: It has to be mentioned that my current bathing patterns and usage of toiletries, while not exactly conforming to the aforesaid policy, is actually very similar. I have been protecting the environment all these years, without actually realising


  1. haha, bt rilliant sarcasm.... this is a double whammy.. no bath and u r also restricing usage of perfumes... left to these "eco- terrorists" - the world would be one green stinky place!
    I will continue with my policy of non conformity and shower my way to glory in a fully lit bathroom!
    there I said it.. all you earth hour folks can go take a hike!

  2. Dear, down south in Chennai, mercury is rising and u telling one bath in a week, am thinking of a third one in a day that too atleast 30 sec more time spent under the shower

  3. I always had a practical take on baths. During my childhood we didn't have the luxury of ACs and the sweltering heat of the arid coal belt of Asansol made life torrid. I set, what I think still remains, a record of 17 baths in a day. Similarly during the pleasantly cold Kolkata winters, which I spent in my hot water less hostel, I went for as long as 2.5 weeks without a bath. A visit to my aunt's place after those 20 odd days forced me to stretch the record any longer.

    "...IPL commentators are asking us not to take long showers as it wastes water..." Are you sure about the IPL commentators saying such drastically opposing things to what Sachin has to say about showers? Surprising.

    "8) Deodrants and body odours to be applied on Monday mornings only." - The very thought of obediently 'applying' body odour on Monday mornings makes this the most gross and hilarious point of the lot!

    And thanks for reminding me of the inconsistency from 3I. They showed AK taking a bath in public from a tap and then this common bath scene. Either Hirani messed up, or Rancho was too much of a bath taker!

    Lovely post:)

  4. Why dont you consider starting a profession out of this......Bath Inspectors!!! set to monitor water usage on account of baths.....

  5. Abominable. I hope your brother takes a print of this and presents it alongwith the morning paper to your folks at home!

    On the flip side, I think you have been generous towards the dental industry. Twice a day is unusual in most cases. It should be allowed only to folks with teeth as stale as mine...Also, this excerise can be avoided especially in travel. Chewing Gums are exceptional replacements and so are ravalgon toffees in times of utter desperation.

    Furthermore, for people who play often and are really keen on bathing, must be provided with a common tank (dimensions can be optimized) which can be filled up with the rain harvesting technology.

    Let us stink our way to glory!

  6. abolish bathing in the bathroom...take the bath away from the room and u r doing nature the greatest favour possible....ever since pandora, one thing that we've(esp.bengalis) learnt is to rely on hope..... some of us can spend an entire lifetime behind that one word..... it is a powerful word..... and this word coupled with the red(read american....for ppl of the politically correct nature) indian practice of the rain dance( not to be confused with transparent tops, black lingerie and sprinklers) can actually save the least for the rest of the world.....don't know abt bengal( we hope while others do) order to ensure that the prayer is successful(the rain dance is a prayer to appease the gods so that they could sprinkle some of that essence of life onto the barren land....if u r thinking fertility.....u r correct....but stop right there) all u need to do is ensure that there's rain.... for rain u need clouds.....for which u need water and trees ....the greener the land, the greater the chances of rain, no bath.... plant trees folks..... think abt all the grime that needs to be cleaned.... the matted hair that's got an identity of its own...... go green....bring rain....nature's personal shower system.... and every time that's not happening the communal lake is at your don't pollute the waters..... or look forward to a smelly dip..... there u have abolishing the bath in the bathroom...u i)conserve water ii)promote afforestation iii)prevent water pollution.....that's how u can help gaia jump start the eco-system.....p.s. brushing(teeth) should be reduced to a minimum to boost chewing gum sales.....and improve the economy..... and conserve water......and watch this space for information on water scarcity due to reasons of the lavatory kind.........


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