Sunday, October 18, 2009

The Wall and The Five Wise Men

This is a very confidential document. This was not supposed to be in the public domain but got leaked by "THE SOURCE". What follows below is the unstated policy of the Indian cricket team selectors (aka 'The Five Wise Men') about Rahul Dravid for ODI cricket. The things to note here are:
1) This is a document which is constantly being edited as per convenience. What I have here for you is excerpts from the latest version.
2) The Five Wise Men truly believe in Horses for Courses. That is to say that for the same player they have different policies for different types of cricket.

" Full name Rahul Sharad Dravid

Born January 11, 1973, Indore, Madhya Pradesh


We do not rate Rahul Dravid as an ODI batsman anymore. He is a spent force who has foolishly based his game on such outdated principles as footwork and technique. He even has the audacity of leaving certain balls outside his offstump in an One Day International matches.

We have much more superior batsmen in Suresh Raina, Rohit Sharma, Yusuf Pathan and Ravindra Jadeja(aka "The Blue Eyed Boys") among others waiting in the wings. They have superior strokeplay, slogging skills and the ability to bully the opposition bowlers into submission on flat, docile pitches. They are multi-talented batsmen capable of hitting fours and sixes at will and bowlers around the world shake in their boots facing the prospect of bowling to these tyros. What is unfortunate is that we cannot make room for all these players in the team as we do not have any more deadwood(read Sourav Ganguly, VVS Laxman) to clear.

However, in certain unfortunate situations created by the ICC and the international calendar, the Indian team does have to tour countries like Australia and South Africa. Here the curators of the pitches show an abject lack of understanding of cricket and go ahead by preparing pitches with extra pace and bounce. In such hostile conditions, it is only natural that our Blue Eyed Boys do not fancy getting a hit (double meaning unintended). We propose to using Rahul Dravid in these conditions, primarily as a sacrificial lamb for damage limitation purposes. With the entire batting line up around him getting out cheaply, he will not score too many runs, thereby making it easy for us to leave him out for the better matches.


The document ends with a post script below:

PS: We never rated Rahul Dravid as an ODI player.

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